Joy in the Midst of the Storm

Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  The door flung open and I whipped my head around.  I was running on the treadmill and was not in the mood to be interrupted.  My wife was carrying my son into the workout room at the hotel and he was not only screaming but flailing his arms and legs.  "He's not sleeping and he's disobeying me," she said.  It was 8:00pm and his bedtime was thirty minutes ago.  I picked him up and carried him down the hall back to the hotel room.  His body language didn't change and he was continuing to flail and scream.  Nearby attendants stared, some giggled, and others gasped.

I was trying not to blush from embarrassment and also trying to take my thoughts captive thinking about all of those horror stories about child protection services barging in and carting their kids off in the ceremonial paddy wagon.

My son Micah was all worked up and I finally had him facing me back in the hotel room.  "Mitaaaaahs Saaaaaaad."  He was doing that heaving, worked up, trying to communicate, toddler speech.  He started to calm down and I was starting to calm down for that matter too.  Embarrassment was finally at bay behind the closed doors of that dark hotel room.

A change of perspective settled in as I began to explain the Gospel to him.  He had been disobedient to mama and there was going to be a penalty for his disobedience.  Joy filled me in that in this moment I had the awesome privilege of sharing the Gospel with him.  He knew he had not listened to mama and that he had not only sinned against her but most importantly sinned against God.  I explained that because of his sin, he was in need of a Savior, and his name was Jesus Christ.  "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him."

Instead of the dread that comes with punishment, discipline, or embarrassment in the overwhelming moment, I realized that something larger was at stake.  The framing and guiding of a child into an understanding of who is source of all truth, the understanding of biblical authority, and an explanation on what is wrong with the world and who the solution is for all of humanity.

I will not Leave You or Forsake You

You could hear a pin drop.  Silence filled the air.  Strangers observed from a safe distance as we slowly sat across the table in the hotel.  We were in another unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people. All of this was unfamiliar to our son, but not unfamiliar to Ashley and me.

We had just gotten to Columbus for Micah’s doctors appointment.  All adopted kids go through this complicated evaluation process within a few weeks of getting back.  We decided to spend the night in a hotel because our trip was over 2 hours long and our appointment was early the next morning.  With family in the area we decided that it might be a good idea for Micah to meet some of his cousins.  We had originally planned to meet Ashely’s side of the family for lunch after the appointment on Friday the next day.  Today was Thursday and Ashely’s brother took us up on our offer to meet the night before to meet our son.

My son Micah was silent the entire time.  It was yet an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people and you just couldn't help thinking that Micah was in survival mode wondering if we were going to give him up again.  I whispered in his ear that I was his father, to not be afraid, and that it would be ok in whatever broken Mandarin I had written down from our last tour guide in China.  Ashley’s brother’s family left the hotel but it wasn’t anything that we weren’t expecting.

The next day at lunch things were different.  Micah came alive and was high-fiving people, smiling, and talking.  A new level of trust was building again.  It was like the base of a building settling into the foundation.

I could only watch my son as he navigated the weekend at grandma and grandpa’s house with hesitation and then bravery.  It started off with a slow walk around their house with that look of hesitation while slowly picking up toys and glancing back at us to make sure we were still watching him.  With moderate shyness he innocuously handed toys to his cousins to begin to get to know them.

I can only imagine what Joshua was thinking when he was commissioned to lead the people of Israel to the promised land in Deuteronomy 31, or Paul getting ready to head out on his missionary journey's throughout the books of Acts, or Jesus sitting in anguish on the Mount of Olives with great drops of blood falling to the ground as the Cross was set before him.

I admire the bravery in all of these mighty acts.  It puts things into perspective as I sometimes wallow in self-pity when the slightest hiccup in the road jostles the steering wheel out of my hands.

I sat watching my son that day knowing that everything was going to be ok even if he slipped and fell or had some sort of an accident.  This time something familiar broke through to my heart and mind as I've told Micah and will continue to tell him, "Be strong and courageous...I will not leave you or forsake you."(Deut 31:6,8)

The Identity of Adoption

"That's Mama, that's Baba, that's Micah!"  Like a lightbulb the brightness illuminates the entire car from the back of my old Camry.  It's like Christmas for him and us as parents.  He's strapped in his carseat and has his picture book between both hands and signals to us again.  "That's Mama, that's Baba(Father), and that's Micah!"

Hearing this phrase will never get old.  I can hear it replaying in my mind almost daily.  Micah's former name was Xiao Liang(Sheeyow Lee-in) which means "little light."  His new name is Micah which means "Who is like Yahweh."  Micah is continually learning about who his mom and dad are and responding to his new name.  There is an excitement and a smile every time he repeats it.  There's so much joy for us to see him familiarizing himself with his new environment and getting to know us as his parents.

Just like Micah who has a new identity, those of us who have trusted Christ as our Savior also have a new identity.  If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation(2 Cor. 5:17).  All of this is from God(v18).  The more we study God's word, the more the lightbulb goes off as we understand more about our former identity and our new identity.

Like Micah, we can point to God's Word and say that's Evan and Ashley and that's Abba Father.   

The Challenge of Adoption

We are finally back in the states.  We got in around 8:30pm on August 30th.  We traveled about 22 hours.  It was a long flight, but it went rather quickly as I cranked through the Hobbit trilogy and tried to keep myself occupied.   Micah did well for a toddler!  He slept a good amount on the flight, and played with Play-Doh and watched some movies without sound because the earbuds couldn’t fit into his ears.

The whole two week trip was incredibly difficult and of course very rewarding.  We started our journey by flying into Beijing, China and got ourselves acclimated to the jet lag over the weekend of the 18th by touring the Great Wall, Tienanmen Square, and the Forbidden City.  Monday morning was “Gotcha Day” as they call it and we took a bullet train to Shanxi west of Beijing.  Our hearts were beating out of our chests as the clock ticked closer and closer to when we would meet Micah.

As we approached the Civil Affairs office on Monday the 20th, we saw a young boy sitting with a middle-aged man.  Somehow we knew it was him.  It was definitely far from one of those amazing “Touched by an Angel” episodes, where the bright light shines on Della Reese, dreams come true, and everyone is crying tears of joy.  As we approached we came up to him slowly, knelt down, and showed him a stuffed bear and airplane we had bought for him.  The caretaker softly spoke some words in Mandarin to Micah, which probably meant something like, “Here are your parents, I’m going to go now.”  He screamed and clung to his caretaker, and it was an all out war.  He was groaning and screaming and yelling for his caretaker.  We stood there soaking it all in not really knowing what to do.  We had waited 2 years for this and wanted to comfort him, love him, and hold him, but we couldn’t.  15 minutes seemed like an eternity, and finally the caretaker said something to him and left.  Our guide seemed to think that the caretaker told him he would go to the car to grab something for him and come back but then never did.  Micah was smart enough to know that the caretaker was outside and pointed outside and screamed more.  He kept pulling people to the door and others had to prod him to come back inside.  He was screaming, “UNCLE! UNCLE!” They called the men and women uncles and aunts at the orphanage where he was being kept.

During the entire fiasco, I was thinking “Son, this will be fine, you have no idea what you’re about to get, you’re going to get a two parent home, and a house with an acre where you can play, and your own room, and toys.”  At that moment it hit me.  I was staring straight into a mirror.  I was Micah and this was exactly what I do to God on a regular basis.  There is something better that God has for me that is incomprehensible and I have no idea what kind of an inheritance and blessings I will receive, and yet I’m still holding on to  the familiar and facade of the joys of this world.

With much reluctance, things were resolved and they handed him over to me and we got in the van and we went back to the hotel.  Micah was sobbing, and a soft moan probably meant he was comforting himself.  He went limp in my arms, and there was nothing we could do except cry with him.  Monday the 20th through Thursday the 23rd were incredibly difficult.  Micah went into a full-blown depression and was screaming for days for his uncle and going limp in my arms.  Ashley and I cried and cried for days until there were just no tears left to give.  It’s normal for one child to attach to either parent and Micah(maybe because of my Asian background haha) picked me.  It was hard on me because Micah couldn’t be left alone at all, he was strapped to me almost 24/7 unless trying to go down to sleep.  I had him in a carrier and he went with me everywhere including the bathroom.  He got to the point where he would grab toilet paper for me and attempt to rip it off and hand it to me.

Where one parent usually has suffocation the other has rejection.  It was also incredibly challenging for Ashley because Micah wanted nothing to do with her at all.  If she would reach for him he would push her away.  Some women dream of becoming a lawyer or doctor when they are little, but Ashley’s dream has always been to be a wife and a mom.  After waiting decades for this dream, she had to wait again.  He was within arms grasp and Micah wanted nothing to do with her.  This was incredibly eye opening for Ashley because it reminded her of her relationship with God also.  She kept pursuing Micah even though he didn’t want any of her affections.  What was even more of a difficult situation was seeing the other children bond faster with both parents.  Ashley would sit at the dinner table and see the other couples passing their children back and forth while she had to watch me feed Micah from my lap.

We took an in country flight to Guangzhou on the 23rd where we would spend another week in China getting his visa.  Every moment out of the depression and one step closer to trusting us were small victories.  We’ll never forget his first smile at dinner, or Micah allowing Ashley to touch him for the first time, or hearing him giggle and laugh like a squeaky toy as we tickled him, or putting him down for the first time as we walked with him hand in hand to breakfast as all the other adopting families were staring in disbelief.

It was so divine to have the other couples on the trip who could identify with these struggles.  We all laughed and cried together.  There were six couples total and two couples were on their second adoption.  Those families coached and encouraged us and it was such a Godsend to have them there.

Things have been improving greatly each day.   We’ve seen huge strides with each passing moment as Micah learns to trust us for his basic needs, food, water, diaper change, and sleep…rinse and repeat.  Micah is incredibly clever, timid, and a bit of a tease as he likes to joke with Ashley, and loves to help(for now haha).  We’ve been on the road so much that when we get up he puts on his backpack and goes and gets our shoes for us.  He has a huge fear of abandonment as expected, and just telling him in Mandarin that we won’t leave him and that we love him simply isn’t enough, he wants to see it with our actions.

A guy on our trip told us that these two weeks will be a fleeting moment compared to the rest of our lives.  This is so true of the Christian life.  “For this light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.”(2 Corinthians 4:17)

Micah is still waking up in the middle of the night looking for comfort from the two people that he has begun to trust, with sweat pouring down his face in anguish as he yells, “BABA!”(this means Father in Mandarin). I had read about it in Dr. Moore’s book, but now the idea of being a father is becoming a reality.

(Russell Moore – Adopted for Life)

Up to that time, I had read the Abba cry passages in Romans and Galatians the same way I had heard them preached: as a gurgle of familiarity, the spiritual equivalent of an infant cooing “Papa” or “Daddy.” Relational intimacy is surely present in the texts—hence Paul’s choice of such a personal word as Abba—but this definitely isn’t sentimental. After all, Scripture tells us that Jesus’ Spirit lets our hearts cry “Abba, Father!” (Gal. 4:6). Jesus cries “Abba, Father” as he screams “with loud cries and tears” for deliverance in the Garden of Gethsemane (Heb. 5:7; Mark 14:36). Similarly, the doctrine of adoption shows us that we “groan” with the creation itself “as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies” (Rom. 8:23). It is the scream of the crucified.

I Have Prepared a Place for You

You don't know me, and I don't know you, but your mother and I have seen you and have chosen you.  You are my son.  How I long to hold you, wrap my arms around you, kiss your forehead, and tell you that I love you.  "If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also."(John 14:3)

We've enjoyed every moment of preparing your room, and I hope you like green.  There is a crib of stuffed animals smiling and waiting for your arrival.  The bed is ready for you to lie down on and rest after such a long journey.  The windows open up to a vast view of the countryside where you'll hear an occasional freight train clicking on the tracks between illustrious oak trees and acres of lofty cornfields.  Below is a deck where I envision us sitting together laughing and talking about God, life, and our shared experience of adoption.  A little playground awaits footsteps up the ramp to your little outdoor playhouse. How I long for the sound of joyous giggling overcoming the competing sound of rusty chains rubbing together from swinging back and forth as I stand behind you and gently push.

I dream of us playing catch outside with the football and me tackling you to the ground in the warmest of embraces.  I dream of the smell of lasagna and baked bread drifting out the kitchen window as your mother waves us in to gather around the rustic table with a spread of the finest of feasts.  This is a palace fit for a king compared to the orphanage that you are in and yet I know that even here I cannot fully protect you from all of your tears, pain, sin, and death.  "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God...For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 3:23, 6:23)

How I long for us to partake in the free gift of salvation together through belief and surrender to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, "because if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. (Romans 10:9)

And for those who believe, how I long for a place where "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”(Revelation 21:4)

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?(John 14:1-2)

Your mother and I have prepared a room for you, but through the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus, He has prepared a way to a room unimaginable and so much greater...


Evan Dlugosz

The Power of Prayer

"Although the Atlantic was rough, the ship remained on schedule until running into thick fog off Newfoundland.  Captain Dutton had been on the bridge for twenty-four hours when George Muller appeared at his side.

'Captain, I have come to tell you that I must be in Quebec by Saturday afternoon'
'It is impossible,' said the captain
'Very well,' said Muller, 'if your ship cannot take me, God will find some other way... Let us go down into the chart-room and pray.'

Muller then knelt down and prayed simply.  When he had finished the captain was about to pray, but Muller put his hand on his shoulder.
'Do not pray.  First, you don't believe He will answer, and second, I believe He has and there is no need whatever for you to pray about it.'

The captain walked across to the door and opened it.  The fog had lifted."(177-178)

George's need to be in Quebec by Saturday afternoon was not to enjoy a vacation he had planned, but rather to start his first preaching tour in the United States on time.  This is one of the many amazing stories from George Muller's life in Delighted In God.  George not only chose to lead his family and pastor a church without a salary, but also went on from there to build five large orphanages housing thousands of children by praying for every penny of the building costs, food, etc!

I am not saying that we all need to quit earning salaries or build orphanages by praying in every penny, but reading about his life has really reminded me of the power and importance of prayer in our lives.  It can be easy to recite the same prayers habitually without thought or only ask for what we need or want, like God is some genie granting wishes.  It can be hard to figure out the balance of coming to God with a request, believing He will answer, hoping for the answer, and then trusting in His timing and waiting patiently.  George Muller said, "asking aright/correctly has three elements:

1- Desiring God's glory
2- Confessing our unworthiness and pleading the merits of Jesus
3- Believing that we do receive the things for which we ask"(180)

Let's also remember to be thankful even during difficult times.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. (Philippians 4:6)

Hopefully, years down the road, after we have our little one at home and we're just going about daily life, I will remember all that I have learned.  Prayer is something that is always important, not just as I go through the long and exhausting process of adoption.

Near the end of his life, Muller said this about the Lord:
"'He has never failed me!  For nearly seventy years every need in connection with this work has been supplied.  The orphans from the first until now, have numbered nine thousand five hundred, but they have never wanted a meal.  Never!  Hundreds of times we have commenced the day without a penny in hand, but our Heavenly Father has sent supplies by the moment they were actually required.  There never was a time when there was no wholesome meal.  During all these years I have been enabled to trust God, in the living God, and in Him alone.  One million four hundred thousand pounds have been sent to me in answer to prayer.  We have wanted as much as fifty thousand pounds in one year, and it has all come by the time it has been really needed.'" (221)

I have always known that prayer is important.  I have even prayed continuously throughout my days.  Yet prayer has always been a bit mysterious to me.  I am sure I will continue to grow in this area, but I have learned so much about prayer in the reading of this book and through the study of God's word.  The fog has lifted!



"George Muller: Delighted in God, Roger Steer"

Ashley Dlugosz

Are We There Yet?

"Are We There Yet?"  It's an inward and outward groaning that rings true in the ear of every person alive.  Most people recognize it as the sound of a whiny child in the back seat of a soccer mom van on the way to any destination over five minutes.  "No we are not almost there yet! We just got on the road!" You can see eyebrows angled down in the rear-view mirror as mama bear stews in the front seat over the annoyance.  The groaning and complaining is like nails on a chalkboard!

Adoption can be a really long road trip.  In the case of the people adopting it feels like you're the kids in the backseat of the minivan heading to Six Flags.  You've been on the road for 8 hours, but this time the driver says, "I know we're heading to the Six Flags, and I don't know how long it will take until we arrive."  Meanwhile, a group of your closest friends and family bombards you with phone calls and texts every 5 minutes asking, "Have you made it yet, and have you ridden any rides? 

In every stage of life we're waiting for something.  Young kids can't wait to get out of school, singles can't wait to finish college and get a dream job, career singles can't wait until they are married, the married can't wait until they have their first kid.  Parents can't wait for their kid to walk, talk, their first day at school, have their second or third child, watch them graduate, empty nest, retire, and finally relax.

In Acts 1, we see Jesus telling the apostles that they're going to have to wait.  They witnessed Jesus' death, burial, resurrection, appearance, and now Jesus had come back!  They ask Him in verse 6, "Will you at this time restore the kingdom to Israel?"  Jesus isn't dead, He's alive, and He's back!  It sounds like it's time to restore the kingdom!  However, Jesus responds to them by saying, "It's not for you to know the times or seasons that the Father has fixed by His own authority."  He then tells them the Holy Spirit is coming and that they'll be witnesses in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and the ends of the earth.  Jesus leaves by means of a cloud and two witnesses in white robes tell them that Jesus will come back the same way He just left.  The apostles don't know when Jesus is going to return, but instead of waiting on the hillside for Him to come back, they immediately go and wait for the Holy Spirit at Pentecost, start making disciples of all nations, and the Gospel is spread to the ends of the earth.

We'll never arrive if we're just seeking goals on earth during our waiting seasons, and we'll never stop waiting for the next thing.  I'm encouraged each morning as I waddle down the stairs and see my wife diligently studying the Word of God.  She isn't sitting around waiting for baby Dlugosz to come home, she's actively involved with making disciples and mentoring younger women.  She's staying busy with kingdom work.  By God's grace this won't stop when things get busier in life, or when we feel like we've arrived at whatever point we imagined in a temporal way.

"Are We There Yet?"  Well...yes and no.  We've finished a few goals of the adoption process and now we're waiting for the referral.  Hopefully we aren't groaning about the next self-centered arrival point. The only groaning inwardly that should be taking place in our waiting is the groaning as we eagerly wait for the adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.(Romans 8:23)  The completed adoption for believers in the already but not yet.


Evan Dlugosz

Some good news!

Hello everyone!  So, the good news is not a referral, but it is actually great news that helps not just us and other families who are adopting, but also helps orphans in China!  We got this message from Bethany a couple days ago:

On December 7, 2017, the CCCWA announced to adoption agencies that the orphanage donation paid at the time of adoption registration (as listed on your China fee agreement) will no longer be required. This announcement is effective immediately. According to the announcement, 

“Foreign adopters may donate out of free will to the child welfare institution AFTER the adoption registration is finalized. The donation shall be made on a VOLUNTARY basis, the donors shall have the right to decide on the quantity, purpose of use and form of donation, and the two parties shall make a donation agreement.” 

So you will see the final amount we need to raise on www.adoptalovestory.com/family/dlugosz go down soon because of this announcement.  This is so exciting on a few levels!  First of all, it is a huge help for us and other families who are raising funds.  It is also a stress relief to not have to walk around China with several thousand in cash that would just be handed over to the orphanage.  Then, I mentioned it will help the children.  The cash that used to be handed over was never really accounted for.  Families had no say about it, they would just hand it over.  Now, if we end up raising more than we absolutely need, we can make a donation and specify that we want that money to go towards food and/or medical needs for the kids who are still in that orphanage!

I hope we can soon post an update about our child.  They told us in May it would likely be 6-12 months.  So, hopefully in the next 5 months we’ll have more great news to share!

Merry Christmas to you all!

Ashley Dlugosz

God's Faithfulness

If we started this whole process with the full amount to adopt, it would require a lot less faith in God.  Wise words from my husband!  It would probably feel way more comfortable to start this process with the full amount we needed.  Imagine if we knew we could just reach into the pot and pull out the amount as each bill came up due.    However, relying on God and seeing how He provides is much better than the comfort of trusting in our own abilities.

We have already paid several bills, and as we watch them approach and wonder how we'll pay, God always provides!  I hate that I ever doubt or worry.  It's amazing to think about how the Israelites turned against God so quickly after all the miracles, and then realize I am doing the same thing each time I worry about our future and these bills.

We wanted to share a couple of amazing things that we have seen to inspire others, and to hopefully encourage anyone who may want to pursue adoption, but is afraid of the huge cost.  Here is the first story I will share.  We planned a garage sale in Bluffton, IN which is the area where I (Ashley) grew up.  As the weekend approached I got a call from my mom.  She told me that the weather was going to be awful, pouring rain, cold, nasty and wondered if we should put off the sale for another weekend.  I discussed it with Evan and we decided it was too late to rearrange plans, so we decided to move forward and trust God whether we raised $20 or $1,000.  We didn't know what good He had planned for the sale, whether that would be for someone to come to Christ, or another family to decide to adopt, for other funds to come in, all of the above, etc.  We just trusted that He would bring good from the weekend.  We were so amazed by the love and support from the family who opened their garage, others who stood out in the cold rain with us, and a constant flow of people who did not let the rain stop them from coming to our sale!  Our sale was donation based and we walked away with over $2000!  God is amazing!

We then had a second sale in Columbus and that time the weather was hot and humid and draining people of energy, yet again, the crowds came and we raised another $1000!

Just when it seems like things are settling down, God provides more avenues of His faithfulness.  What do we do now that the sales are over?  How else do we raise funds?  People at our church amaze us with suggestions, donations, love and support.  Again, why did I start to doubt?

I will share one more story from earlier this year.  I have been selling stuff on eBay, which has actually brought in more than $1500 over the last 4 months!  I had a mug that I LOVED, but was willing to sell it.  The mug was actually in high demand.  I started the bid high and also informed everyone that we were selling it to raise funds for our adoption.  I had a lady win it for about $175, then she told me to keep it and sell it again!  I don't know that lady, but God used her to encourage me and help us through this process.

So yes, as easy as it would be to start off with the full amount, I am very thankful to have these stories, and to be able to grow and share with others.

Special Needs is Uncomfortable

She was heading this way and I was starting to feel nervous and uncomfortable.  I knew there was a language barrier there and we would be on two different wavelengths.  There was no way I could relate at all to this person.  She had down-syndrome.

As I began to interact with her family, I could see how much joy she gave to her family.  A few hours later we were all gathered around the dinner table laughing and I could see that this person was no different than I.  She even had the most hilarious jokes.  She was certainly more aware of her surroundings than I had initially given her credit for.  This person was made in the image of God just like the rest of us.

Isn't this true of special needs?  We would never admit this but we are uncomfortable with people who not only look different than what we would classify as "normal," but also people who behave differently.  The grunting or gibberish formed into incoherent sentences is an unfamiliar language we are scared or unwilling to learn.

Internally we cringe when there is some physical deformity that doesn't measure up to the perfect Hollywood body.   We shrink back when someone's mental state of mind does not engage with us who deem ourselves to be more intelligent or socially hip.

As Christians we say we are totally against the "Survival of the Fittest" mentality yet our attitude reflects those of the staunchest nature of it.  The truth is that we're all disabled and have special needs.  Aren't we glad that Jesus loved us for who we are not on the basis of how great or small the special needs are?

Evan Dlugosz

Goodbye Dossier!!

After four months of hard work, stress, tears and exciting adventures we finally finished our dossier!  I honestly can't express how exciting and freeing it was to send the packages out!  I had to double, triple, and quadruple check to make sure everything was in the packages.  The moment I put the dossier in the outgoing bin it was finally over!  As you can see, we enjoyed a little celebration time at Sweet Frog after we left FedEx!

I just had to share this exciting news.  Stay tuned, Evan is working on another blog post; we should have it up shortly!

What is a Dossier?

We get many questions as we go through this adoption process, and right now the most commonly asked question is, “What is a dossier?”

In simple terms, the dossier is a collection of documents that we need to gather and send to China so that we can finally be in line to get a referral for a child. That doesn't sound too terrible, right? Wrong! I am a little funny in the fact that I really enjoyed the home study paperwork. However, the dossier is a completely different beast. We have paperwork that needs to be notarized, and then state sealed, other items that just need to be notarized, and yet other items to be collected and thrown in the pile. It would be far less daunting if we weren't born in Indiana & South Korea, married in Colorado, living in Ohio, and then Evan's letter of employment coming from Tennessee. We have so many different states that we need to get items from, send them back to get them authenticated, and then get them back home again! So far nothing has been lost by the post office, which is awesome!

We are learning many lessons in this process, the biggest (for me) being patience. Another lesson is that planning ahead for the dossier is a bad idea. Everything has to be dated and certified within 6 months of reaching China. I'm not sure why.  If my birth certificate is certified in 1980 and I was born in 1980, it seems like it's just as official and trustworthy as that same document certified in 2017!  So, back in September, I grabbed new birth certificates for each of us only to read the dossier packet and find out they are too old! Oops.

I also learned that you can actually find traveling notaries! Who knew!? We need papers notarized as our doctors sign them.  Evan's doctor has a notary on site, but mine does not. So, I “googled” it and found a person who was actually willing to come meet me at my doctor’s office for just $25. I should look into becoming a notary so I can help people when they have things pop up like this!

Something you would think would be easy is getting Evan's letter of employment, but in a big company it is much more difficult than you could ever imagine. Evan and his boss started the process in February, and by mid-march I tried to jump in and take over because it was taking longer than I would like. I learned yet another lesson. I really just need to sit back, be patient, and trust my amazing husband to take care of it. I can get too emotional and easily hurt and frustrated when I feel like someone is being unreasonable and ridiculous and Evan is such a great balance to that. What would I do without him?

When I first started reading the packet and realized all the crazy stuff we had to do, and everything that had to be done within a certain time frame or we'd have to start over, I got very stressed and might have even shed a few tears. After taking a deep breath, jumping in, and just taking it a step at a time, I realized it's not as bad as it seems. Yes, there is a LOT of red tape, so many hoops to jump through, but it is all worth it. I just keep thinking about why we are doing this. In order for us to be adopted into God's family, Christ died on the cross, shed his blood, and defeated death! I think we can handle a little stress in order to show a picture of the gospel and complete this journey of adoption.

Counting the Cost with Adoption

March 10^th, 2017 | Evan Dlugosz


Fear crept through my body the instant we signed the contract with the adoption agency.  The reluctance, caution, trepidation, and excitement swirled together and hit me like a tidal wave.  The risk of the unknown was way too much for my conservative nature.

Back in our dating days, Ashley and I knew that we were both passionate about adoption and wanted to care for a child who was abandoned.  When we signed the contract that passion became a reality.  The long and intimidating journey of adoption had come, and the more we dove into the process the more we realized how overwhelming everything was.  

The system has changed drastically compared to when my sister and I were adopted from South Korea over 30 years ago.  There is twice as much red tape, the waiting time is longer, the children are older, the finances have been tripled, and the mountains of paperwork are taller.  I knew most of this going into the process, but obviously didn’t know the full extent of it.

God has been teaching us so much through the adoption process, and we know that He will teach us even more when we bring our child home.  For those of you who want to adopt and feel that it's either too intimidating or there are too many barriers, there are.  Eating the elephant one bite at a time is the systematic approach to take, and ultimately leaning on God's timing, direction, and divine providence will get you through.  It feels like an eternity until we get to see our child.  We have already spent 8 months completing our application, referrals, the home study, immigration, and we're half-way through the dossier.  Once the dossier is finished we will finally get a referral for our child, and that could take another 6 months to a year.

In Luke 22, Jesus was in agony knowing how much it would cost to go to the cross.  His sweat was like great drops of blood falling to the ground, and knowing how difficult it would be, he still submitted to the Father's will, ultimately knowing the glorious outcome.  Galatians 4:4-5 says, "God sent forth His son...to redeem those under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons."  He pursued us knowing how great the challenge was before Him, how immense the cost was through the shedding of His blood, but ultimately knowing the glorious outcome.  He bought us with a price, and for those of us that have accepted Him as Savior for the forgiveness of sins are then adopted into the family of God.

Adoption is expensive and it's by no means convenient.  You're not going to hit a grand slam and easily slide into home plate.  Now I'm not saying throw caution to the wind financially or emotionally and go save a baby in a foreign land, but what I am saying is that adoption is an incredible picture of the Gospel, and that we should strive to foster a culture of adoption in our church, community, friends, and family.

The adoption process will be stressful, inconvenient, and financially challenging.  Christ certainly knew that our adoption was worth it, and His example should encourage us to pursue Gospel driven adoption for the Kingdom of Christ!

Cleveland Adventures

So, I am not really one to write a blog, but I thought I would give it a shot as we go through our adventure of adopting a child from China!  We are now about 7 months in and have finished our application, signed a contract, finished our home study and are working on our dossier!  We have also finished about 23 hours of our required 30 hours of training for this process.  We have met some amazing people through this journey and really learned a lot about our adoption as children of God.  We are so excited to show a picture of the gospel through our adoption!

Today we had to travel to Cleveland (an hour away) to get fingerprinted for Homeland Security.  We actually had been in CO for two weeks, got home on Tuesday and found a letter in the mail saying that our appointment to get fingerprinted was scheduled for Thursday at 11am.  So thankful we didn't get home two days later!  We're also thankful Evan's coworkers and boss were flexible and understanding and let him take the morning off so we could make the appointment.  The letter said if we did not get there at the appointed time, they would consider our request abandoned!

We are not really city people and forgot coins for meters, so we found a parking garage close by.  We parked, headed in for our appointments, then two hours later made it back to our car.  Evan found a note on the driver side window: DO NOT EVER PARK IN THIS SPOT AGAIN!  I PAY TO PARK HERE MONTHLY.  Oops.  If the person who left that note ever sees this blog, please forgive us!  We did not realize it was a reserved spot and we sincerely apologize!!  I know it would not be fun to pay for a specific spot and then have a random person take it from me. :(

If anyone would like to see a video about our journey, you can see that here: www.adoptalovestory.com/family/dlugosz