We are finally back in the states. We got in around 8:30pm on August 30th. We traveled about 22 hours. It was a long flight, but it went rather quickly as I cranked through the Hobbit trilogy and tried to keep myself occupied. Micah did well for a toddler! He slept a good amount on the flight, and played with Play-Doh and watched some movies without sound because the earbuds couldn’t fit into his ears.
The whole two week trip was incredibly difficult and of course very rewarding. We started our journey by flying into Beijing, China and got ourselves acclimated to the jet lag over the weekend of the 18th by touring the Great Wall, Tienanmen Square, and the Forbidden City. Monday morning was “Gotcha Day” as they call it and we took a bullet train to Shanxi west of Beijing. Our hearts were beating out of our chests as the clock ticked closer and closer to when we would meet Micah.
As we approached the Civil Affairs office on Monday the 20th, we saw a young boy sitting with a middle-aged man. Somehow we knew it was him. It was definitely far from one of those amazing “Touched by an Angel” episodes, where the bright light shines on Della Reese, dreams come true, and everyone is crying tears of joy. As we approached we came up to him slowly, knelt down, and showed him a stuffed bear and airplane we had bought for him. The caretaker softly spoke some words in Mandarin to Micah, which probably meant something like, “Here are your parents, I’m going to go now.” He screamed and clung to his caretaker, and it was an all out war. He was groaning and screaming and yelling for his caretaker. We stood there soaking it all in not really knowing what to do. We had waited 2 years for this and wanted to comfort him, love him, and hold him, but we couldn’t. 15 minutes seemed like an eternity, and finally the caretaker said something to him and left. Our guide seemed to think that the caretaker told him he would go to the car to grab something for him and come back but then never did. Micah was smart enough to know that the caretaker was outside and pointed outside and screamed more. He kept pulling people to the door and others had to prod him to come back inside. He was screaming, “UNCLE! UNCLE!” They called the men and women uncles and aunts at the orphanage where he was being kept.
During the entire fiasco, I was thinking “Son, this will be fine, you have no idea what you’re about to get, you’re going to get a two parent home, and a house with an acre where you can play, and your own room, and toys.” At that moment it hit me. I was staring straight into a mirror. I was Micah and this was exactly what I do to God on a regular basis. There is something better that God has for me that is incomprehensible and I have no idea what kind of an inheritance and blessings I will receive, and yet I’m still holding on to the familiar and facade of the joys of this world.
With much reluctance, things were resolved and they handed him over to me and we got in the van and we went back to the hotel. Micah was sobbing, and a soft moan probably meant he was comforting himself. He went limp in my arms, and there was nothing we could do except cry with him. Monday the 20th through Thursday the 23rd were incredibly difficult. Micah went into a full-blown depression and was screaming for days for his uncle and going limp in my arms. Ashley and I cried and cried for days until there were just no tears left to give. It’s normal for one child to attach to either parent and Micah(maybe because of my Asian background haha) picked me. It was hard on me because Micah couldn’t be left alone at all, he was strapped to me almost 24/7 unless trying to go down to sleep. I had him in a carrier and he went with me everywhere including the bathroom. He got to the point where he would grab toilet paper for me and attempt to rip it off and hand it to me.
Where one parent usually has suffocation the other has rejection. It was also incredibly challenging for Ashley because Micah wanted nothing to do with her at all. If she would reach for him he would push her away. Some women dream of becoming a lawyer or doctor when they are little, but Ashley’s dream has always been to be a wife and a mom. After waiting decades for this dream, she had to wait again. He was within arms grasp and Micah wanted nothing to do with her. This was incredibly eye opening for Ashley because it reminded her of her relationship with God also. She kept pursuing Micah even though he didn’t want any of her affections. What was even more of a difficult situation was seeing the other children bond faster with both parents. Ashley would sit at the dinner table and see the other couples passing their children back and forth while she had to watch me feed Micah from my lap.
We took an in country flight to Guangzhou on the 23rd where we would spend another week in China getting his visa. Every moment out of the depression and one step closer to trusting us were small victories. We’ll never forget his first smile at dinner, or Micah allowing Ashley to touch him for the first time, or hearing him giggle and laugh like a squeaky toy as we tickled him, or putting him down for the first time as we walked with him hand in hand to breakfast as all the other adopting families were staring in disbelief.
It was so divine to have the other couples on the trip who could identify with these struggles. We all laughed and cried together. There were six couples total and two couples were on their second adoption. Those families coached and encouraged us and it was such a Godsend to have them there.
Things have been improving greatly each day. We’ve seen huge strides with each passing moment as Micah learns to trust us for his basic needs, food, water, diaper change, and sleep…rinse and repeat. Micah is incredibly clever, timid, and a bit of a tease as he likes to joke with Ashley, and loves to help(for now haha). We’ve been on the road so much that when we get up he puts on his backpack and goes and gets our shoes for us. He has a huge fear of abandonment as expected, and just telling him in Mandarin that we won’t leave him and that we love him simply isn’t enough, he wants to see it with our actions.
A guy on our trip told us that these two weeks will be a fleeting moment compared to the rest of our lives. This is so true of the Christian life. “For this light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.”(2 Corinthians 4:17)
Micah is still waking up in the middle of the night looking for comfort from the two people that he has begun to trust, with sweat pouring down his face in anguish as he yells, “BABA!”(this means Father in Mandarin). I had read about it in Dr. Moore’s book, but now the idea of being a father is becoming a reality.
(Russell Moore – Adopted for Life)
Up to that time, I had read the Abba cry passages in Romans and Galatians the same way I had heard them preached: as a gurgle of familiarity, the spiritual equivalent of an infant cooing “Papa” or “Daddy.” Relational intimacy is surely present in the texts—hence Paul’s choice of such a personal word as Abba—but this definitely isn’t sentimental. After all, Scripture tells us that Jesus’ Spirit lets our hearts cry “Abba, Father!” (Gal. 4:6). Jesus cries “Abba, Father” as he screams “with loud cries and tears” for deliverance in the Garden of Gethsemane (Heb. 5:7; Mark 14:36). Similarly, the doctrine of adoption shows us that we “groan” with the creation itself “as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies” (Rom. 8:23). It is the scream of the crucified.
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